A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
that's an acceptable place to lick
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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