Non-Jews are for practice
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
