I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sext me about skeletons
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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