The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
