Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
