I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have fence marks all over my body
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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