Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I look better un-naked...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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