I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
