Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
