I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
