I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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