The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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