Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
