It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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