Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
