My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
