We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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