im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
