Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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