is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
