This is not my ceiling
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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