so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
