If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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