No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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