my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
