pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
