he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
