some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
