Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
