i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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