AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
