What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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