I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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