What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
