I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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