I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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