glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
