we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
