it was like his penis was on wheels.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
