My room smells like vodka and shame
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
