You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
