I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
