maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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