i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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