So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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