ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
