she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize