And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
