I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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