Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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