Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
