Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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