Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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