Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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