I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
