I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you have to choose: penises or morals?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
