i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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