I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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