Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
