i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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