well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
