what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
