just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
