how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
