I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
