You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
