so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
