everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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