I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
