Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
